Coffee
by SolarLunar
Summary: Because it's always suspicious when Jack refuses coffee in the morning. Formatting fixed.


**Very sorry that the first attempt was such a mess. Thanks for everyone telling me! Hopefully, this version will be better.**

 **Anyway, this is some work I found when I was looking through my laptop and decided to post. Enjoy (properly this time).**

When Ianto arrived that morning, it seemed like a normal day. He could see Jack tapping away at his keyboard in his office and Myfanwy was circling overhead, cawing occasionally, letting Ianto know she had not yet been fed that day.

She would have to wait though. Ianto, when he could, liked to stick to his routines and that meant setting up the coffee machine and taking Jack his first coffee of the day. Ianto didn't really know how much Jack slept, but given how he always seemed to be around, he figured that Jack was one of those people who lived on caffeine instead of rest. Thus, it was Ianto's priority to provide the drink as fast as possible.

He was making his way across the Hub when he heard a voice call out.

"Ianto. Wait, Ianto." Ianto paused and turned to look up at Jack, who had exited his office and was now gripping the rail firmly.

"Jack," he responded, then waited for the order.

The order didn't follow straight away. Instead, Jack almost seemed to let a look of indecision cross his face before continuing.

"I need to the Avalenian artifact up here."

Ianto nodded his comprehension. "It's in Archives. I'll get it right after I get coffee."

"No!" replied Jack, far too quickly for Ianto's liking. "I… need it now. I promised I'd have a discussion with someone from UNIT about it. Over video chat. Anyway, I need it as quickly as possible. I need to check some things over before we start. Urgently." Ianto frowned. Something wasn't right.

"Jack… Did you forget?"

Jack squirmed and then gave a quick nod of his head. Ianto sighed.

"Please Ianto."

Ianto rolled his eyes, but made his way down to the archives instead. If it was so urgent, Jack could do without his coffee, it must be urgent.

...TW…

It took an hour to get the item out of Archives. It wasn't that Ianto didn't know where to find it; he prided himself on how organised the Archives where. However, it turned out this particular artifact was being stored as the back of a really high shelf and his ladder seemed to be missing. Eventually, he had to admit he couldn't climb the shelves and had to go in search of a new one.

Upon entering Jack's office with the offending object, a hefty lump of metal, he found the rest of the team all in there. Dumping it down, Ianto looked around the others. Owen was the easiest the read, his arms crossed firmly across his chest, glaring at his boss. Gwen was also not looking particularly happy, although she was less obvious in her anger. Toshiko, though, her annoyance seemed to be masked by worry, her eyes wide.

Jack just looked bashful.

"Is anything the matter?" asked Ianto.

There was a pause.

"No. No there isn't," said Jack with such confidence that Ianto could only guess he was lying.

"Right," said Ianto, unsure about where to go from there. He was used to there being secrets within Torchwood. However, he was usually let in on them seeing as nearly all required his help to some degree, even if it was just making sure the SUV was ready. "Well, I'll just get some coffee for you all then."

"Wait," said Jack again. "I do need one favour." Ianto raised an eyebrow. "I need you to… go down to the wholesalers and picked out… some salad."

"Salad?"

"Vegetables. Owen here thinks we may be able to calm weevils down by… improving their diet."

"Their diet?" Ianto turned to Owen disbelievingly. For his part, Owen looked incredibly uncomfortable until he eventually gave a sharp nod.

"Yep. Lots of lettuces. Could be calming."

Ianto flicked his gaze back and forth, but no-one said anything else.

"Right. Well, I'll go get that. I'll pick up some more food for Myfanwy whilst I'm at it then."

Jack's face burst into a smile and, rising, he patted Ianto on the back.

...TW…

Going to the wholesalers was always a business. The man always tried to ask what Ianto wanted all the meat for, but when Ianto began asking for lettuces and carrots, his curiosity was piqued.

Escaping the warehouse, Ianto breathed deeply, turning the corner a little too sharply and hearing 20 lettuces roll over as he did. Upon re-entering the Hub, he began heaving up the produce, scattering it over Owen's desk.

"Hey, hey, hey!" cried the doctor indignantly. "What are you doing?"

"I'll arrange it later. Right now, I need a coffee."

Owen's demeanor changed instantly.

"No! No, you can't do that. You can't leave it there."

"Why not? You're not using it right now."

"What's going on?" Trust Jack to turn up.

"Ianto wants coffee," Owen said hurriedly, as if that explained everything. Ianto was already leaving the area though.

"What?" responded Jack alarmed.

"Just one. Then, I'll sort out the vegetables. By then, I may have figured out where they go," smiled Ianto and made his way towards his beloved coffee machine.

"But… you can't leave them there! It looks… untidy," exclaimed Jack.

That was it. Ianto turned and eyed up Jack. Since when did Jack care if the Hub looked untidy for a few minutes. Something was going on, but right now Ianto had other priorities. He shook his head and continued on his way while talking, Jack following.

"Look, you may have decided to go without caffeine for the day, but I haven't. And when I'm done, I'd appreciate some sort of explanation about what's going on. Even if it's just 'classified'. I prefer knowing what to expe…"

As he rounded the corner, he saw it.

His precious coffee machine in pieces.

He froze.

"Ah, well you see, last night, I had to write a report quite late and so I needed some coffee, only you had gone and I thought it unfair to call you up just for that, but it was raining…"

Ianto turned and set his piercing gaze on Jack.

"It… made a gurgling sound, then some smoke arose from it," Jack finished feebly.

Ianto stared.

Jack gulped.

"Why is it now in bits?" the welshman asked, anger tinging his tone.

Silence for a few seconds.

"Ah, well, when I came in this morning," Owen began. "I thought it would be a simple fix. It wasn't."

"Parts on order," volunteered Tosh, peering down from above, her expression apologetic.

"Right," said Ianto. "I think this requires action." All the team, including Gwen now, looked at his expectantly. "When I get it working, you're all learning how to make coffee." A sigh of relief; that didn't sound bad. "There will be a lecture on the types, origins and prices of coffee beans. Anyone who fails the subsequent exam will be denied coffee until they pass. Understood?"

He surveyed the faces of horror. Yes, that was better.


End file.
